JOKES

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JOKES

At The Bar

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At McDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, "You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!"

what did the blondes right leg say to the blondes left leg? Dont know theve never met

Sex Pills

A woman complains to her doctor that her husband never wants to have sex anymore. The doctor gives her a bottle of pills and tells her to put them in the husband's drink. The woman goes home, put one pill in his coffee that evening and pretty soon, they were going at it like bunnies. The next morning, she puts two, and that night the sex was ecstatic. The next day, she said, 'What the hell!' and dumped the entire bottle in the husband's coffee.

Sometime later, the doctor called to checked on his patient's progress. When the doctor asked how everyone was doing, the boy replied, "mom's dead, sis' left home, the maid's pregnant, my ass hurts, and Dad is buck naked on the front lawn yelling, "Here, kitty, kitty...."

Badly Cooked Chicken

The customer called the waiter back and said, "Call the manager. I won't eat such a badly cooked chicken."

"It wouldn't help to call the manager, Sir" the waiter shrugged. "He wouldn't eat the chicken either."

Death Wish

An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred Uhland."

"Why Fred Uhland?" his wife asked.

"You have hated him all of your life!"

"Still do," gasped the old man.

The Funeral Procession

Two men are sitting on a riverbank fishing. Suddenly, they look up and see a funeral procession going over the bridge. One of the men takes off his cap and solemnly holds it over his heart.

"That was a nice gesture," says the other man.

"Oh," he replies the first, "it's the least I can do. We were married 25 years."

The conversion

A devot catholic man is lying on his deathbed when he has his wife call for a protestant minister to make a visit to the house. When the minister arrives he immediatly has the minister baptise him. A few minutes later a catholic priest arrives at the house as the protestant minister is leaving. He asks the minister what he was doing there and upon hearing of his conversion he rushes upstairs to talk to the man. The priest enters the mans bedroom and says to him " Why john, after 86 long years of being a catholic do u decide, on your death bed, to convert to the episcopalian religion?" The man replied "better one of them than one of us"

a polish invention: Subamrine screen door


	ScAreCRow \| home back to ScAreCRow Enter \| confusious sez \| the opedius complex \| school excuses \| Things to think about \| JOKES \| bumper stickers JOKES At The Bar An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At McDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and McDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Polish guy says, "You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!" "Wow!" say the other two. "That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!" what did the blondes right leg say to the blondes left leg? Dont know theve never met Sex Pills A woman complains to her doctor that her husband never wants to have sex anymore. The doctor gives her a bottle of pills and tells her to put them in the husband's drink. The woman goes home, put one pill in his coffee that evening and pretty soon, they were going at it like bunnies. The next morning, she puts two, and that night the sex was ecstatic. The next day, she said, 'What the hell!' and dumped the entire bottle in the husband's coffee. Sometime later, the doctor called to checked on his patient's progress. When the doctor asked how everyone was doing, the boy replied, "mom's dead, sis' left home, the maid's pregnant, my ass hurts, and Dad is buck naked on the front lawn yelling, "Here, kitty, kitty...." Badly Cooked Chicken The customer called the waiter back and said, "Call the manager. I won't eat such a badly cooked chicken." "It wouldn't help to call the manager, Sir" the waiter shrugged. "He wouldn't eat the chicken either." Death Wish An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred Uhland." "Why Fred Uhland?" his wife asked. "You have hated him all of your life!" "Still do," gasped the old man. The Funeral Procession Two men are sitting on a riverbank fishing. Suddenly, they look up and see a funeral procession going over the bridge. One of the men takes off his cap and solemnly holds it over his heart. "That was a nice gesture," says the other man. "Oh," he replies the first, "it's the least I can do. We were married 25 years." The conversion A devot catholic man is lying on his deathbed when he has his wife call for a protestant minister to make a visit to the house. When the minister arrives he immediatly has the minister baptise him. A few minutes later a catholic priest arrives at the house as the protestant minister is leaving. He asks the minister what he was doing there and upon hearing of his conversion he rushes upstairs to talk to the man. The priest enters the mans bedroom and says to him " Why john, after 86 long years of being a catholic do u decide, on your death bed, to convert to the episcopalian religion?" The man replied "better one of them than one of us" a polish invention: Subamrine screen door